


What Am I Supposed To Do

by Posiesuperior



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 13:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19151524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Posiesuperior/pseuds/Posiesuperior
Summary: My happiest memories are all of you if you leave what am I supposed to do?Basically Josie finds an old box of polaroids and relives all her favourite moments since she has met Penelope.





	What Am I Supposed To Do

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a lot longer but it was definitely one if my favs to write so enjoy.

It's been 1 week, 3 days, 12 hours, and 17 minutes since Penelope left. I've been sleeping in her room to avoid Lizzie and the world, the world without the love of my life. I've been wearing her clothes to trying so desperately to imprint her scent of vanilla on my skin so I never forget her. 

 

It's hard to believe that she's really gone I don't really know how to handle life right now. I never thought I would have to live in a world without her so soon. 

 

As much as I hated her for breaking my heart and every annoying thing she did during the breakup I still love her. 

 

I always thought she would be there for me, maybe one day we could even get back together or I wouldn't least still see her at school every day but now she's on the other side of the world and I don't know what to do.

 

I'm looking through her closet trying to find her Salvatore hoodie hoping she didn't take it with her when I glance down to see a shoebox labelled  _ happiest memories. _

 

I pick it up and sit down on her bed my heart drops when I open it it's full of polaroids of us from when we met to the day we broke up a few of her with Hope and M.G. I realize that from the day I met her I was her happiest memory I was the one thing that could make her happy in life and it hurts now that she's gone.

 

The first one I see is the one my dad took of us on the day we met. We were 11 and it was the first day of sixth grade, I had to show her around the school and we were best friends from there.

 

_ I see a short raven-haired girl walk towards me “Penelope Park right?”  _

 

_ “Yeah, are you the girl giving me the tour?” _

 

_ “Yeah I’m Josie Saltzman they usually have older kids give tours but my dad said you nervous and wanted you to make a friend” _

 

_ “Oh okay thanks” _

 

_ We walk through the school I show her the library and I talk about my favourite books turns out Penelope isn’t the biggest fan of reading unless it Harry Potter in which case she a Slytherin and I told her about how I’m a Hufflepuff _

 

_ I introduce her to Hope and M.G, Hope and her laugh how big M.Gs hair is compared to his body and M.G and her argue between Marvel and D.C.  _

 

_ I take this moment to glance at Penelope how her green eyes shine in the light sun coming through the window, how her smile is not only breathtaking but slightly resembles a turtle, how her dark wavy hair flows down her shoulders, how her laugh echoes through the Great Hall, and how genuinely amazing Penelope Park seems to be. _

 

_ When I take her up to her room I help unpack her things she shirts of bands I've never listened to but I know my dad has so I'll have to check them out bands like Queen, and The Beatles.  _

 

_ I hang her poster of Michelle Obama, a woman she aspires to be like so much so she even has a stuffed llama name Michelle O’llama _

 

_ For an eleven-year-old she seems really sophisticated I can't help but want to know more about her.  _

 

_ We spend the whole day in her room talking about school and she plays me music. My dad comes in with snacks for us and takes a picture of us asleep on her bed with our arms around each other. _

 

The picture is dated  _ Sept 6, 2025, the day I met Jojo <3<3 _ my heart flutters at the memory if only then I knew how much she would mean to me.

 

The next one is from later that year we were having an end of the year party at Jed’s dorm Penelope's head is on my shoulder with her lips pressed against my cheek.  _ June 26, 2026, The day you started to mean WAY more to me. _

 

That day has been engraved in my head since it happened the day I got my first kiss during truth or dare which I would have hated if it hadn't been for Penelope being the one I get to kiss.

 

_ The door opens I turn to see who it is and my breath is caught in my throat high top Converse, ripped black jeans, white shirt, and glimmering green eyes. Penelope looks beautiful as always but lately looking at her is different and I can't quite put my finger on why. _

 

_ “The party may now begin losers,” she says as she crosses her legs between M.G and me. _

 

_ “No party starts without truth or dare” Jed, says and everyone nods their head in agreement.  _

 

_ “Okay I'll start” Kaleb, says. _

 

_ “Lizzie truth or dare.”  _

 

_ “Truth.” _

 

_ “Man your boring,” he says chuckling. _

 

_ “Uhm who do you think is the worst dressed here?” Lizzie skims at everyone here from Jed’s Jordan’s, M.Gs Hilfiger shirt, to Hopes flannel and jeans then back to me and gives a quick apologetic smile. _

 

_ “Sorry but Josie” she, says and I feel really hurt I love my mustard pants and Aeropostale hoodie it’s my favourite outfit. _

 

_ Everybody is staring at me waiting for a response or a comeback but I just shrug my shoulders and stare down maybe if I pretend they're not all starting at me they'll stop. _

 

_ “I think you look absolutely breathtaking” Penelope whispers in my ear and every hair on my neck stands up and I start to blush all I’m able to do is muster out a small.  _

 

_ “Thanks” _

 

_ “Okay well now, you get to ask Lizzie” Kaleb, says awkwardly trying to break the tension between everyone. _

 

_ “Hope through or dare?” _

 

_ “Dare because unlike you I’m not boring.” _

 

_ “I dare you to yell the first sentence that comes to your mind.” Hopes eyes go wide as if she’s just been put under pressure.  _

 

_ “Uhh, I like giraffes.” Hope blurted out and we all laugh at randomness of this girl. _

 

_ “I like turtles,” Penelope shouts back teasing the vine which makes us laugh more once everyone died down it was Hopes turn to ask. _

 

_ “Penelope truth or dare.” _

 

_ “Dare” Hope gazes around the circle with a mischievous grin on her face her eyes land on me a little longer than everyone else and I start to get antsy at what is going on. _

 

_ “I dare you to kiss Josie” as she tells Penelope my heart drops and I become a bundle of nerves unsure of what to do.  _

 

_ I feel a hand on my cheek and I turn to Pen as she pulls me out of my thoughts. Our eyes lock and she whispers  _

 

_ “Relax”  _

 

_ I lean into her touch as she leans closer to me, her lips meet mine it’s a small little peck but it leaves me in hazy fever dream the rest of the night.  _

 

_ When the party's over she walks me to my dorm and I want to remember this day for the rest of my life so I take a picture of us just as her lips meet my cheek to say goodbye and I blush several shades darker.  _

 

Crazy to think that wouldn’t be the first and only time I would get to kiss her. This one's dated too it seems they all are  _ June 26, 2026, The day you started to mean WAY more to me. _

 

Then there is  _ October 3, 2026, Our first unofficial date I remember it like it was yesterday.  _

 

_ It's a chilly Sunday afternoon, with a slight overcast and high chance of rain. I'm nervous about what she'll say as I knock on her door. _

 

_ “Hey, what’s up,” she says as she opens the door greeting me with her signature smirk. _

 

_ “Um, I was wondering if you wanted to go out for ice cream with me… it cool if you don-’’  _

 

_ “Of course I will Josie” she, says smiling at me. _

 

_ As we’re walking back to school I can’t help but notice that despite the fear of wet socks and drenched hair, the thrill of heading out for ice cream sparked a glimmer I had not seen in her eyes. _

 

_ I wonder if that glimmer would shine if you were in love if that’s how your eyes shined for someone you loved because in that moment I fell harder and faster for her. _

 

_ She walked closer to me and our hands started to brush against each other and I felt her hand slip into mine. I could see the smile tugging at the edge of your lips. _

 

_ I’m thinking I’d kiss you even if it was raining. I won’t though because she’s just my friend and I can’t lose that.  _

 

_ I wonder if her lips would have tasted of the vanilla ice cream she ordered.  _

 

The picture of us with our ice cream cones and tongues sticking out brings back a million and one feelings and memories of being nervous around her and not knowing what to do, to her making blush and always being the one person who could put a smile on my face.

 

Then I pick up one which just screams awkward and nervous Hope captures the moment at the lower schools valentine day dance  _ February 14, 2027, The day I fell head over heels. _

 

_ “Hey, Jojo, ready to go?” I turn to see Penelope leaning against my door. _

 

_ “Yep,” I say as I skip over to her and join our hands together and as much as I wasn’t this to mean more than just platonic friends holding hands I don’t want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me trying. _

 

_ The Great Hall is full of the lower school kids hyped up on sugar jumping around to the music. There are heart-shaped balloons hanging from the ceiling, with pink and streamers all over the staircase and poles, and heart-shaped stickers on the windows. There’s a snack table of pop, chips, and every gummy candy you could think of. _

 

_ Our friend group is having the time of our life when all of a sudden the upbeat music turns slow and people pair off and awkwardly sway to the music which leaves Josie to be the wallflower of the group. _

 

_ M.G convinces Lizzie to dance with him, Jed asks Hope because he has a major crush on her, Kaleb is dancing with the new girl at school and Penelope has disappeared to god knows where so she doesn’t even have anyone to socialize with. _

 

_ “Hey Jojo may I have this dance” I’m pulled out of my thoughts by Penelope bowed over in front of me with her arm extended like my knight in shining armour. _

 

_ “Of course,” I say, we walk to the centre of the hall my arms wrap around her waist and hers reach up behind my neck and we sway. _

 

_ I am a nervous ball of energy that can’t seem to keep eye contact I look over her shoulder to see Hope wink and give me a thumbs up she’s the only one who knows about my crush on Penelope. _

 

_ I feel her forehead rest on mine and I’m content in this moment I have the best girl in my arms close, we are dancing in our own bubble unaware of the world around us our the time that passes until a flash from the side of us breaks the little bubble and we glance up to see Hope with the biggest grin and a Polaroid in her hand. _

 

I’m brought back to my short-lived career as captain of the junior flag football team and by short-lived, I mean one game.  _ Oct 12, 2037, my #1.  _ We were versing Mystic Falls High and I was prepared to lead the team to victory but my plans didn't turn out too well.

 

_ “You are all ready to go” Penelope finishes braiding the yellow and blue streamers into my hair. _

 

_ “You got this your going to play great I believe in you” she gives me a hug and pushes me out the door towards Lizzie who is in the hall and she goes the other way to meet Hope. _

 

_ We miserably lose 12-0 and Mr. Williams has me return the captains band but throughout the game there she was with her poster in hand cheering me on as she wore my blue jersey with my name on it.  _

 

_ She is there for each one after that too even when I’m not passed the ball or benched for the game she’s always there. Hopefully, she always will be. _

 

Next is the time we went camping in eighth grade. We were partners for the weekend and I can one hundred percent say that is the day I realized, I want Penelope Park in my life as more than a friend no matter what. I guess she did to  _ May 31, 2028, The day I wanted you more than a friend. _

 

_ “A ropes course really, that’s what you signed us up for,” I say in disbelief, Penelope knows I’m afraid of heights. _

 

_ “It’s good to conquer your fears,” she says throwing her fist in the air. _

 

_ “Besides I’ll be right there beside you the whole time.”  _

 

_ “Oh yeah because having you there makes all the fear just magically go away,” I say sarcastically. _

 

_ We get harnessed in, as I start climbing it’s not as bad I thought it would I have M.G and Hope at the bottom cheering me on.  _

 

_ I have my moments where I get stuck and kind of just want to cry but then I look over at Penelope and she gives me a soft smile and the fear does just go away. _

 

_ It’s a feeling of butterflies, a feeling of hope that she might feel the same, and a thousand other things I can’t describe. _

 

_ We reach the end I have to climb across a log and jump to the bottom. I slowly but surely meet Pen in the middle and there are tears starting in my eyes. _

 

_ “I don’t think I can do this Pen,” I say with fear in my voice. _

 

_ “Come on Jojo you did the whole course don’t give up know,” she says trying to sound as inspirational as she can. _

 

_ “Besides there’s no other way down you eventually have to jump, even if I have to push you,” she says with a smirk enjoying the latter. _

 

_ “If you push not only will I hate you, I will not hesitate to drown you in the lake tomorrow,” I say seriously as I will not hesitate if she pushes me. _

 

_ “I won’t don't worry Jo but I believe in you ok, you are the strongest and bravest person I know you can do this.” She leans up to cup my cheek and I lean into her touch. _

 

_ “I think you doubt yourself a lot but I know you and I know you can do anything so jump and I’ll meet you at the bottom” she leans up to kiss my cheek as she pulls back I glance around to avoid her gaze. _

 

_ “You do, you really believe in me?” _

 

_ “Of course, more than just this too, I believe you are going to accomplish great things in life Jojo, you the greatest person I know.” _

 

_ “Can you guys hurry it up we have other places to be” M.G yelled to us obviously annoyed. _

 

_ “Coming” we scream. _

 

_ “I’m gonna jump now,” I say nervously. _

 

_ “See you at the bottom,” she said back I jump but not before stealing a kiss on her cheek. _

 

_ It’s definitely not the worst thing in the world, especially with her by my side. I could get used to having her by my side for the rest of my life. In the three years of knowing her, she has made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I just want to spend the rest of my life making her feel the same way. _

 

The picture is of us lying on top of each other, on the way down she jumped a little too close to me and we collided that was how we ended up landing. 

 

After that, we started hanging out with each other so much we were basically attached by the hip. She finally got the guts to admit her feelings to me on a picnic at the dock.  _ Sept 30, 2028, When I finally told you how I feel. _

 

_ We’re on our way to the lake our hands brushing against each other, I want to be as close as possible but I’m too scared to hold her hand. _

 

_ She runs ahead a little bit so I try to catch up behind her when I get to the dock she is standing there with the biggest smile on her face and a picnic behind her with all my favourites from strawberries to chocolate ice cream which is probably already melted but Penelope is trying at least. _

 

_ She grabs my hand and pulls me to sit next to her on the blanket overlooking the water and the sun setting.  _

 

_ She pulls out a champagne bottle of ginger ale and I think of what important day I forgot because she has never put this much effort into our evening strolls. _

 

_ I've not been paying attention to the conversation at all thinking of why is she making me feel also special tonight, what is so special about tonight. _

 

_ She holds my hand to pull me out of my daze. _

 

_ “Hey, Jo you okay?” She asks. _

 

_ “Yeah I’m just thinking”  _

 

_ “About what?” _

 

_ “Nothing,” I say back not wanting to admit that I obviously forgot what today is. _

 

_ “It obviously is Jo, if it’s been occupying your attention all night.” She tells me. _

 

_ “I forgot, I’m so so sorry” _

 

_ “Forgot what?” She asks confused which only confuses me more. _

 

_ “Well, I just thought with how much effort you put into this that today was something special,” I say. _

 

_ “Oh-uh no but actually there was something I wanted to talk about.” She’s nervous Penelope is never nervous which makes me uneasy I don’t know what’s about to happen and I don’t know how I’m gonna feel. _

 

_ “I think your amazing Josie Saltzman ever since the day I met you and you’ve just kept becoming more important to me and then I kissed you and everything changed for me after that I saw you differently and then M.G said I must have a crush on you and I thought he was being ridiculous but lately I realized of course I have a crush on you who wouldn’t you’re you, you're unapologetically yourself and pretty and so kind to everyone around you. Josie Saltzman, I like you, like really like you, like I like like you. So will you maybe want to go on a date with me” _

 

_ At this point, I’m crying and she's crying. She is so nervous you could see at all over her from her shaky, clammy hands to her wandering eyes looking everywhere but on me. And I’m sitting here speechless at what I was just told never in a million years did I ever think that my crush would like me back let alone Penelope Park. I was prepared at some point in our friendship to hear of one of her crushes and get my heart broken over the fact that everything I feel for her she reciprocated just not for me, not ever for me but here she is confessing her feelings for me. _

 

_ “Of course I will,” I say ecstatic.  _

 

That was the start of something amazing for me if only I knew the heartbreak to come but you can’t control it when you fall in love and this relationship I guess just wasn’t enough for her but if someone were to tell me it would have ended, or how much it would hurt to see her walk away, and that we wouldn’t be friends I wouldn’t care I’d do it again in a heartbeat, a million times, in every universe because she was and might always be my one epic love.

 

The last couple hurt to reminisce on but it also makes me happy to look back on the good times we had together, in a time where we weren’t hiding feelings or didn’t hate each other a year where we were just happy.

_ October 14, 2028, The day we kissed under the light of a thousand artificial stars. _

 

_ “Are you ready?” M.G asks from the front seat of his car. _

 

_ “Yeah I just don’t want to embarrass myself I know nothing about space. _

 

_ “It’s fine she’ll probably do most of the talking when it comes to it, there are also those little boxes of information,” he says back to me. _

 

_ “Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine” there’s a tap on the window and I step out of the car to take in the way Penelope was dressed, ripped skinny jeans, army green button up barely buttoned, and the signature black bow checker. She is stunning. _

 

_ “Like What you see.” She throws a wink and laughs at my wide eyes.  _

 

_ “I’m just kidding, you look stunning by the way,” she tells me. _

 

_ “Thank you, so do you” _

 

_ “Okay kids I hate to break it up but you have a cute date to be on,” M.G tells us as he starts the car.  _

 

_ “Have fun but not too much fun” he says as he pulls away leaving us in blushing in the parking lot of a planetarium. _

 

_ “Shall we?” She asks extending her hand. _

 

_ “We shall” I grab her hand as she pulls me towards the door. _

 

_ After wandering around as she explained to me why Pluto is no longer considered a planet and everything else this girl seems to know about space which is quite a lot we end up in the big dome of stars.  _

 

_ I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happier I know she has a niche for the stars ever since her mom and dad painted glow in the dark constellations on her ceiling because she was afraid of the dark. _

 

_ “Okay are you ready” _

 

_ “I don’t know am I about to be taught all about constellations” _

 

_ “You bet,” she says back with a laugh. _

 

_ “Okay, so that is obviously the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper,” she says pointing North.  _

 

_ “And then Ursa Major And Ursa Minor are connected if you turn your head” I can’t really point out what she’s talking about but seeing her this happy makes this hands down the best date ever.  _

 

_ “Over there that v shape is Pisces that’s your constellation,” she tells me.  _

 

_ She talks my hand and walks to the centre we look up at what I’m guessing is the North Star.  _

 

_ “Can I kiss you Josie” my breath hitches I haven’t kissed her or anyone since that kiss in the sixth grade with her and I know for a matter of fact that does not apply to her. So what if I suck or even worse miss I’m so inexperienced compared to her. _

 

_ “If you don’t feel comfortable we don’t have to at all,” she says looking me in the eyes to reassure me.  _

 

_ “No, I want to,” I say back  _

 

_ “Good because all I want to do is kiss you under the light of a thousand artificial starts Jojo”  _

 

_ “Me too” _

 

_ She leans in and our lips meet and the memories of sixth grade come back and how much better this is knowing it means something to her as much as it does to me. We move in sync like we’ve kissed a million times. _

 

_ “You know I could get used to this Pen” _

 

_ “Me too” _

 

The next couple are from when they were dating pictures that hope took of us staring at each other in class, school dances, and dates whether that be going out for pancakes or building a fort in her room it. 

 

It makes me realize all my best memories and moments are with Penelope and now she isn’t here and I don’t know what to do with the last five years of pictures, memories, or gifts. 

 

I wish our last memory wasn’t goodbye, or our last kiss wasn’t in tears. 

 

If only I had counted it all, so I could hold onto the memories and not unattainable wishes. 

 

I wish I knew the amount of kisses.

 

Or remembers our quiet greetings in the hallway during class along with our secret meeting to the kitchen at night.

 

I wish we could laugh at our regrets like trying to swim in the lake at school only to freeze. Or smile wide at things that we’d never forget like her taking me to fireworks on holidays.

 

I wish I remembered the feel of my head on your shoulder or your lips on my cheek as the weather gets colder.

 

I wish I remembered the times you were sick and put yourself in my care.

 

I wish I’d remembered the times you made me blush with your stare. 

 

I even wish I’d kept track of our worst fights of you being jealous and Lizzie coming first because without them there’d be no best nights of us slow dancing in your room lit by fairy lights.

 

If only I could remember looking into your stunning green eyes or the times you made me so happy I started to cry.

 

Yet instead, my mind has only kept track of the one goodbye. The one goodbye that sent the love of my life away from me to the other side of the world. So what am I supposed to do now?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Like always leave a comment or kudos and feedback is also appreciated.


End file.
